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Posted on 1 April 2015


To catch up on my story, you can look here .

When I was in Pasadena, before all the… craziness, I snuck away for a few minutes and found a cozy little bar. I sat in a quiet corner and let the sounds of the crowd wash away. I talked to the bartender and some of the locals. I pretended to care about sports. I played darts with some old guys and let myself lose. I felt normal. I even, for a split-second, forgot about Endgame.

Then this sweet, older lady bought me a drink and started talking my ear off. She told me about her garden, her Shih Tzu, her grandchildren. I nodded and smiled, and reveled in how good it felt to be bored.

And then all of a sudden she said, "I know who you are. I've been reading your blog. You need to give Angela a break."

Which was a jarring non sequitur, but I was so surprised I kept listening.

She told me to imagine how it must feel to be so afraid that you give up everything and hide in the wilderness. That it was clear that Angela had been a brilliant student. That Pramik had taken over her life and brainwashed her, and cast her aside. "Like garbage." Her words.

Then she said "Pramik tried to brainwash you, too. He raised you. Don't let yourself be like him. Don’t leave Angela to rot, alone and unheard. Let her help you."

Before I could ask her why she cared so much, she left. I finished my drink and went back to the party.

Don’t let yourself be like him. I still can’t get her voice out of my head.

Could Pramik/Wayland have planted the seeds of cruelty in me? Am I capable of treating people as terribly as he does?

Will I ever be able to unlearn what he taught me?

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