Later reposted publicly at 14th November
Hey guys. Um, I'm sorry, it - I'm just a little shaken up right now. I got into this weird conversation with my dad a little bit ago, and it just left me really rattled. We don't ever really fight, so whenever it happens, it just freaks me out. I don't think it really rattles him that much. I think he's pretty used to fighting, given what he does, but...We were at dinner and he told me that I looked like I was somewhere else. I didn't want to tell him what was on my mind, because I know how much he has on his mind, and I don't ever want to burden him with anything, so... He just kept pushing me, and I finally just came out with it and told him....that I can't shake this feeling that everything that has happened to me, from my mom, to the kidnapping, to Jake...that there is something going on.
These things can't just be random. That there are forces at work. And I'm not one of those people that thinks, ya know, everything happens for a reason, but I just - I can't help but think that there's something... And that's when I blurted out to him, point blank, "Why me?"
And he didn't really take that very well. I could see that he was upset by this question. Not angry but he didn't really like where it was going. He just said to me, "Stella, bad things happen to good people all the time. You need to be careful not to think that you've been singled out, or that there's some special narrative to your pain. It's arrogant. It's narcissistic. It's wrong."
I didn't have that much to say after that. So, the rest of the meal was pretty quiet. But, I just - I can't shake this feeling. And that's why I'm telling you this, students. It feels like I might be too close to things to really see them for what they are, and that's where maybe you can give me some clarity. I know it's a lot to ask, I know you guys have your own lives and your own troubles, and your own pain, but... this might sound a little strange, but I really count on your imagination.
You guys have already taught me so much about myself that maybe you can teach me a little bit more? Please? Thank you. I'll talk to you guys soon.